Goodbye Bebe

Every morning during the month of April Kirstie went to the calender on our refrigerator to cross off the day just passed. It was our effort to help her prepare for her birthday and saying goodbye to her pacifier. We are thankful to have had the opportunity to visit the States three times during Kirstie's life, but with each visit her attachment to her bebe returned in force. It has definitely been her security since she was a small babe. After returning to Taiwan in January we started making her practice being a big girl at night and for naps (she had to lay on her bed without her bebe for a certain amount of time). This seemed to be helping, but it soon became obvious that there really was no pain-free way to break the habit. With her birthday fast approaching we decided to make that the day to shoot for. This way we would all have time to prepare ourselves. We often reminded Kirstie that when she turned four she wouldn't use her bebe anymore "because four-year-olds don't use a bebe." Then she would remind us that she wasn't four yet and that she still needed her bebe.

On the big night her Daddy made a bed out of cardboard for the bebe to sleep in, and Kirstie helped me cut a pillow from a dusting cloth and a blanket from some old pants. She asked me to read "Bye Bye Binky" and wanted me to change all the character's names to "Kirstie." Then she cried in a heart-wrenching voice, "I just need to sleep with my bebe" and, "I'm just three," over and over again until she was completely exhausted. I had told her I would stay by her until she fell asleep as long as she would close her eyes, lay still, and be quiet. When she finally decided that having me there would help more than crying, she fell asleep within a few seconds. It was 11:30 pm when Allen and I stood gazing at our beautiful sleeping angel, then I went to my room and cried.

The next day, as promised, Allen took Kirstie to pick out her very first bicycle. She wanted the pretty pink one and has really been enjoying it. When they were at the bike shop Kirstie started squirming around and pulling down her pants. Allen thought she had to go to the bathroom until he saw the two-inch cockroach on her underwear! Allen said there were cockroaches EVERYWHERE on the side walks by the shop. Later we found out that the sewer had been sprayed that day so all those bugs were just coming up for air. It is a week today since Kirstie put her bebe in its own bed and she has made a lot of progress but with any loss there is always a grieving process. We are very proud of our not-so-little girl.